The Quest for the Remote!
by Lady Marle
Summary: This is a repost. Jessie and James lose their remote, and are forced to watch the dreaded Fox channel. There will probably be some Jessie+James eventually, and there will be some dub meets original scenes as well.
1. Default Chapter

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The Quest for the Remote!

Disclaimer : I don't own Pokémon, the Fox channel, or anything else I might use in this fic. They belong to rich bastards, of which I am not one, therefore, don't sue me please! Or else I'll make you watch hours of the Sailor Moon dub! Mwahaha! Gomen dubbies, don't flame me!

A.N. – I started writing this fic like two years ago. I was inspired by my cousin, who was so graciously watching Jerry Springer very loudly (she must be deaf) in the room next to where I was so desperately trying to sleep (It was like 8 in the morning; why does that show come on every hour in the day?) Anyways, if I get good reviews, I may be tempted to continue this! Also, I used the dub names because, as I said, I wrote this around two years ago so I had not yet been disillusioned, and I'm just too lazy to change it!

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Prologue

As the late morning sun filtered in through my tattered curtains, I awoke to the incredibly aggravating sound of a legion of ignorant rednecks chanting "Jerry! Jerry!" Groaning, I buried my head into my pillow to muffle the maddening cacophony and to return to the blissful slumber from which I had so been rudely disunited. As I was on the verge of slipping into glorious unconsciousness, a shrill voice ejected a rather long string of expletives that was screened by an even shriller beeping. Muttering my own interjections, I shuddered as the host of the asinine program gave a preview of the next show, which was quaintly entitled "Hermaphrodite Strippers Confront Their Cheating Midget Partners," and wondered what sort of drooling, slack-jawed idiot would watch such mind rot.

"James!" I screeched, gritting my teeth. "Turn that damn TV off! I'm trying to get my beauty sleep!"

"But Jessie…" came his feeble reply.

My eyes snapped open. "Damn it boy, don't make me go over there…"

Upon receiving the same response, I flew out of bed and stomped into the den. "Don't make me get my mallet…" I growled, my eyes flaming with repressed rage. 

"But Jessie! I can't find the remote!" he whimpered, cowering in fear. 

"You baka! You're sitting two inches from the TV, you lazy sloth!"

"But…"

"Get up off your butt and change it!" I commanded while sneaking a peek at the aforementioned eye-pleasing piece of ass. Oops!

Sighing, James punched the buttons on the cussed TV, to no avail. The annoying twang of white trash still emanated from the damnable device.

"It won't work!" he wailed, jets of tears springing from his eyes.

"Stop it! I'm getting wet!" I yelled, gesturing to my now semi-transparent nightdress that clung to me in a way that nightdresses should never cling to women who happen to be in the viewing range of any male creature. As anticipated, my gesturing was rather redundant, as James had already taken note of my lack of proper bodily concealment and had proceeded to gape wide-eyed and slack-jawed at my womanly figure. Drool and a slight moan escaped his enraptured lips as stepped closer to him, offering him a much better of my exposed unmentionable areas. I also gave him quite a magnificent view of a whole myriad of stars and a few chirping birds as my mallet came down upon his thick skull. His eyes, which, previously, had been preoccupied with ogling at my admittedly terrific body, now rolled back into his head.

"Dammit James! We don't have time revel in my perfection! We have to move on to more important things!"

I hoped the author, who out of her great amusement, had spent an absurd number of sentences describing this one scene, would move on. Apparently, she did not agree. James began to cry once again. "You hit me!" 

"Quiet James, we have more important things-"

"Wahh! Like the remote that's lost!"

"Exactly!"

"WAHH!"

"Ah! There there Jamesy poo!" I cooed, hugging him, which immediately brought a smile to his still quivering lips. "I know how to cheer you up," I continued as I flew to my feet, ripping off my nightgown. James' eyes nearly popped out of its sockets, and I feared I had given the poor boy a coronary as I stood before him wearing nothing but my…

Team Rocket uniform!

"James, you and I have a mission. We will travel to the four corners of the Earth if we must, we will cross deserts-"

"Desserts? YUM!!! Let's go!"

"DESERTS! Don't interrupt! Now where was I? Oh yeah, we will climb mountains, swim across oceans (or use our Magikarp piece of crap, it's as much work either way,) step over small hills and holes, stomp on anthills, kick small dogs (Note: the author has nothing against ants or small dogs, in fact she is rather fond of them, but apparently Jessie has some issues she needs to work through,) buy some new outfits, some shoes, maybe a few pairs of earrings-"

"Jess! I get the picture! We should prepare a picnic basket, missions make me hungry. James no well work without num-num…"

"Then it's settled! We shall presently embark on a quest for our remote so we won't have to keep watching the Evil Fox Channel. (check your local listings to find the channel in your area.)


	2. um, chapter 1!

Disclaimer : No, as I stated before, I do not own Pokémon, or Fox. Don't sue me, I buy enough of your merchandise to make you slightly richer! So be kind! As for Fox, well, I'm hoping that the people in charge of that particular operation to dumb down the world are illiterate and don't know I'm bashing them. 

A.N. There is some character bashing in this, mostly towards Ash, and a little towards the Cerulean sisters and Brock's behaviour is very exaggerated. And as always, responses are nice, PLEASE! *puppy dog face* So, without further review, here's…

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The Quest for the Remote

Chapter 1

Under a brilliant sky of cobalt blue, Team Twerp trudged through yet another of the ridiculously numerous forests on Pokémon World (a variation of the planet Earth that exists in PokéDimension, one of the myriad dimensions of AnimeUniverse. It is inhabited by many species of creatures known as Pokémon. It is also populated by a humanoid race of beings having large eyes and strange hairdos that often don ugly clothing such as suspenders.) The forest in which the trio was, as usual, lost, had, like every other wooded area on their peculiar planet, a conveniently placed dirt path running through it that led to the next town, which, in this case, happened to be Cerulean City. Misty, who was understandably irate on having to once again deal with her vapid siblings, was nevertheless gladdened by the fact that she would be able to reclaim the Pokémon that she had, in a moment of sheer stupidity no doubt, lent to her not-even-close-to-being-half-witted sisters. Ash, on the other hand, had nothing on his mind except thoughts of Pokémon that were occasionally interrupted by his daydreams of food. Brock was reminiscing about all the ravishing Officer Jennys and exquisite Nurse Joys he had met in his still short life, his what-could-almost-be-called-eyes glazing (if such an act is possible for someone who doesn't seem to have eyes) over from the cherished memories. Their respective reveries were disturbed by the flash of white that dashed by them, holding a rectangular black object in its hands.

"What was that!" Misty inquired, still in shock.

"I hope it was food!" Ash quipped. "I'm hungry!"

"For the love of Goldeens," Misty muttered. "Why am I still with these stupid boys?" She glared at Brock, who had once again slipped into the wonderful world of identical animated women with unimaginative parents, then at Ash, who was ordering his Pikachu to chase down the potential food source. With an affirmative "Pika," the Pokémon began sniffing the air, hoping the catch the elusive snack's scent.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Ash guffawed. "We won't be hungry for long!" 

Misty rolled her eyes. Suddenly, Pikachu started to tremble violently. "What's wrong Pika!" Ash beseeched his whimpering Pokémon.

"Pika Pi Pika Pikachu Chu Pi!"

"What did he say Ash?"

Ash scratched his head, then confidently replied "I think he said 'Pika Pi Pika Pikachu Chu Pi.'"

"I know that!" Screeched an angry Misty who had somehow managed to grow fangs. "What does it mean?"

Ash sweatdropped profusely. "Um, I don't know, maybe he's hungry…"

Before Misty could maim her thick-witted companion, the beginnings of an oft-repeated formula could be heard wafting from the trees.

"Prepare for trouble…"

"And make it double…"

Misty grunted. "It figures." She peered into the thick foliage, searching for the trio of antagonists. "Never mind the stupid motto, we all know it by heart anyway. Just carry on with your useless attempts to catch Pikachu so we can get on with our lives."

"You little brat!" Jessie's voice shrilled. "How dare you! I'll let you know that we are on an errand far more than important than capturing that little rat! We," she intoned grandly, gesturing to James and herself, "are on a mission to take down the evil Fox network!"

"And how do you plan to do that?" Misty snickered.

"By finding our lost remote, and changing the channel! That'll show them who's boss! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"Huh?" replied Brock, whose woolgathering had been interrupted by the evil cackle.

"Seriously Brock, try to pay attention," Ash chided his friend. "I shouldn't always be the responsible one."

Upon hearing this rather unwitting remark, Misty seemed to spontaneously combust. But before she could inflict harm upon her empty-headed comrade with the flames shooting out of her head, she was once again thwarted.

"Could we please get back to our more important problem?" Inquired an almost seething Jessie. "I believe our remote is still missing! Did you see anything suspicious today?"

The trio of twerps racked their brains for a while. After a lot of hemming and hawing, they reached a conclusion. "No, we didn't see anything sus-pe-she-ous today," Ash announced, proud he had said a big word and sounded intelligent in front of Misty. "Now if you don't mind, we have food to catch! Go Pikachu!"

Ash pointed in the direction of the white blur's hasty retreat, but the still terrified Pokémon just shook his head and continued to tremble.

"What's wrong with your Pikachu?" queried Jessie as she jumped down from her leafy refuge.

"We don't know," Misty responded as she scrutinized the path in front of them. Suddenly, she let out a small cry.

"What is it?" Brock implored. Misty pointed towards the three figures that approached. "It's… it's us!" she declared, gaping at their doubles.

To Be Continued…

Will our mismatched band of heroes figure out why Pikachu is so frightened?

Will Team Twerp ever make any useful connections between the suspicious blur and the lost remote?

Who are these mysterious newcomers, and why do they look like Ash, Brock and Misty?

Will Brock and James get more lines in the next chapter?

Will Ash ever satisfy his hunger?

The questions to all this, and more, will be answered in our next exciting chapter 

The Amazing Things You Can Do In Fanfics!

Or

My Name Isn't Connie!

PLEASE REVIEW!


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